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Secret racist friends (WARNING: the n-word)

Has anyone else had this experience? Ever since the election, I’ve had to purge 7 former friends from my life. Some of them had been friends for over a decade but it turned out they were either secretly racist the whole time, or eventually became one. Not sure which.

Anyway, this morning I woke up to a message that began with” “lol stupid fat nigger” and went from there. This message is from someone whom I have known for almost 15 years. Someone who turned to me for comfort when things didn’t work out with his girlfriend. Someone who loved to talk to me about roses and recipes. A person who I allowed, for a number of years, access to my life and my very personal struggles, thoughts, and feelings.


Long story short, on the day after election day I had had enough and this guy was banned from our shared community and excised from my life completely. He sent me some messages about how sorry he was and how he would be nice, but I had seen the signs for a while that he was headed down a wypipo path, and by the time he started apologizing, I’d already had to cut out 2 other former friends who inexplicably turned racist. I was completely baffled! I don’t stand for that kind of talk, and I’m known among my friends for speaking up even when other people won’t, sometimes even getting myself into bad situations because of it. Maybe that’s foolish of me, but I can’t let that sort of shit stand.

I didn’t hear from this guy since January, and now suddenly I wake up to this message that frightens me because it contains information he could only have gotten from someone else close to me. That bothers me a lot. What else does he have access to? Who else is pretending they care about me but are feeding information to this guy? I feel like I shouldn’t really care, but this message was so venomous that I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if this person shared my information with similarly hateful people.


The racism, I don’t know. It bothers me but, at the same time it’s just kind of a drone in the background. I’m used to it now. Even from people I have loved, it’s nothing really any more except a sign that I need to cut someone else out of my life. I’ve literally never been more distrustful of white people, ALL white people, until this past year. I thought it was bad when an 11 year friendship that turned into a 3 year romance was ended by ghosting, but I’d take that any day over being afraid that I’ve been a fucking idiot by letting someone into my life who secretly hated me all along and was just waiting until I didn’t do what they wanted, or said something they didn’t like, or whatever so they could finally let it rip.

If this has happened/is happening to you, please share your stories. Anyone who is worried it might get doxxy, let me know and I’ll delete this thread in 24 hours. Thanks, GT. I’m glad to have y’all to talk to about this.

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