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Previously on Tessa and Scott

The producers are trying to get me to believe in this fake as fuck girlfriend. Still not buying it fam.

So Tessa and Scott are on their way to some pre Olympic Team Canada event, where they are going to make a speech. They write the speech in the bus on the way there because freshman year of college is forever.


Also this is where they choose to sit.

So they make the speech and it sounds like something a 9th grader wrote, so yeah. So then it turns into a press junket-y type thing. Reporters ask them if they are dating. Scott does not bring up his fake girlfriend, mostly cause she’s fake, but he does hit the reporter with it’s complicated. He also says that there have been times where he and tessa were very close and times when they haven’t been. Another reporter asks him what is his must have in his suitcase to Sochi. Scott says condoms.

This Bitch.

While I applaud his commitment to safe sex, let the record show that scott talks too fucking much.


The russian coach is rolling with her emotional support animal, so you know it’s serious as fuck.


They skate. Apparently it’s in rough shape and they got work to do. Tessa is fascinating, because she a lot of self doubt for an Olympic athlete. Their little skate thing doesn’t go as well as they hoped and she starts spiraling. As much as tessa can spiral anyway. I always assume people who get to this level in their craft, have a confidence in their ability and obviously they worry about whatever they are doing, but like if Beyonce’s voice cracks during a show I don’t think she immediately goes to I am a horrible singer. But Tessa kinda does that with skating. It really speaks to something scott said in the last episode about tessa’s level of confidence in herself.


Team Canada eat dinner together. We meet fellow skater Patrick Chan. Who the producers are trying to get us to believe could be scott’s romantic rival, which like nah. He looks 16 and he’s clearly younger than them. He’s a little bro.


Then a woman (marnie former olympian) talks to the team to encourage them. She makes a trash comment about the girls aren’t going to be eating.

Which is like, bitch they’re Olympic Athletes they’re burning like 4,000 calories a day. STFU.


Tessa is freaking out again, this time to the point of tears. I am so worried about tessa. They perform their routine for the official sign off from the Canada people. After Tessa vomits from relief. Once again, someone check on Tessa and make sure she’s ok.

They make it through, I don’t know anything about skating but I guess this first leg of the camp is over.


Tessa is going to TIFF and Scott is going home to his alleged girlfriend. She says I love you......

That’s a mess.

Oh and then this happens.



If y’all don’t know who that is take a quick google.

He then proceeds to ask Tessa out, and Patrick who is with her shakes his head because Patrick is all of us.



Then scott says something about him and tessa being codependent.

Next Time on Tessa and Scott

Hall and Oats!

Tessa goes to college!

Matthew Knowles if he was a small russian white lady!

See you next time.

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