Our friends at Pajiba, a pop culture site with a feminist heart, turned ten years old on Wednesday, and in lieu of sending a birthday card or a Karen Gilliam/Pedro Pascal kiss-o-gram (sorry, 'jiba), I thought I'd do an homage-y list calling back to one they wrote earlier in the week. Dustin's list made me laugh a lot, even when he was terribly, terribly wrong. So I'm borrowing his idea, and expanding on it. With my own twist.
25. Elysium was a shitty movie.
24. The best movie of the '80s was not Back to the Future, Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Ghostbusters, it was Heathers.
23. Picard > Sisko > Janeway > Kirk > Archer
22. Leonardo diCaprio peaked in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.
21. P!nk > most of us
20. If one is making a video game about a movie, or, inversely, a movie about a video game, there is an 87.5% it will be terrible, boring, or both.
19. Pushing Daisies > Dead Like Me > Hannibal > Wonderfalls
18. The greatest American rock band of all time is Fleetwood Mac. No. You're wrong.
17. The Good Wife is a better show than Breaking Bad.
16. Brian Cranston and Julianna Marguilies should be in a show together.
15. James Spader is as hot today as he was in Pretty in Pink. Hotter, even.
14. Susan Clark on Halt and Catch Fire is the most interesting lady character on TV right now. Sadly, she is also the only interesting thing about her show, most of the time.
13. TI-99 > Commodore64 > Apple IIe > TRS-80
12. Siouxsie and the Banshees > The Church > The Cure > Depeche Mode > The Smiths
11. That Apple commercial is about a big, big penis.
10. Instagram filters make your food look moldy.
9. Cookies > cake > pastries > pie
8. Ask UfYH > Ask a Clean Person
7. Music in the '50s/'70s/'90s was better than music in the '60s/'80s/aughties.
6. Divergent should have been called Derivative.
5. His Dark Materials > Harry Potter
4. Unicorns > dragons > mermaids > zombies > vampires
3. If book six doesn't come out soon, the next season of GOT is going to be really, really boring.
2. Tom Cruise makes consistently entertaining movies.
1. Lifetime movies are an important and under-appreciated piece of our cultural landscape.
A version of this post appeared on Pmag, but I wanted to troll a wider audience with my pop culture truth bombs. It has been modified for the audience. And a little mangled by Kinja.