Hey GT, it's been a while! I am hoping to get some words of wisdom or inspiration or maybe just general reassurance on my longterm singlehood after a terrible, awful, no good, very bad "date."
I met a guy at a birthday party a few weeks ago and he was very, very attractive, and a little flirty. We went back to his place and had great drunk sex. Fun! He made breakfast and while he was driving me home mentioned that he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and wasn't interested in dating seriously, but he had a great time and didn't want to burst the bubble and would love to hang out again if I was interested.
Mild bummer, but okay. Sure. I've been seriously single for like a year and a half working through a brutal masters program, and I am a fan of casual sex with hot guys, so cool. Okie dokie. Bonus was that he's a friend of a friend, and that's an okay way to vet people, right? (spoiler: this is incorrect)
So he asks if I want to hang out, and if I let him decide what we're doing we'll just end up "having a drink, smoking a joint, and listening to records." Honestly that sounds like a great chill evening to me so yeah! I'll be there.
I show up at his place and he's clearly already stoned. He's 20 minutes into a movie that he shows no sign of stopping. He welcomed me in and then told me to make myself at home, sitting back down on his couch to continue watching the movie. (Whut?)
What I should have done was left.
What I did do was pour myself a glass of wine (then several more) and watch the remainder of the movie. We smoked up and played cards. He put on some records and went to clean his kitchen for like 15 minutes (COOL. WAIT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW), then showed me a youtube video. Eventually I make some joke about not him not having touched me once since i came over and we started fooling around (fun! he's dirty and hot and we had a good time). Then round two he fucked me without a condom. So, so, so, super not okay. *he tells me he figured I was okay with it because I didn't stop him and he didn't have time to put on a condom so how was he supposed to know....blah blah blah.
The next morning he suggested we go out for breakfast before taking me home (okay, maybe this is going to turn around) and when we sat down he silently worked on a crossword for about five minutes before inviting me to join.
.....so basically the whole thing was a crazy bust and made me feel like an insane person. I pulled the plug on future hangouts via text and he told me it made him a little sad because I am "an interesting character to say the least." Actually and truly the nicest thing he said to me since the first time we hung out.
Obviously I have now wasted more time and energy on this guy than he was worth at all, and it's not like I'm heartbroken about him specifically (he made that part pretty easy) but holy christ you guys am I ever disappointed in men in general these days. I used to attract some pretty stellar guys and now I feel like a crazy douchebag magnet.
So tell me your stories of longterm singlehood/people you know who met the love of their life in their thirties/tell me how the fuck to meet people who aren't 38 year old man children. I did the online dating thing many times in the past and I'm not completely against trying it again but man is that stuff time consuming. My schedule has really opened up with classes ending/me completely avoiding my thesis, so I'm game to meet people....but I'm also just trying to focus on putting myself back together after being a sedentary academic for two years. Exercising regularly. Eating better. Reading for leisure. Etc. I don't need to be in a relationship immediately (I'm pretty used to single life now) but I would love to have a little hope for my future self because right now it's all friends' weddings and relatives asking me if I'm dating and ending up wasting perfectly good evenings with total idiots.
Thank you for letting me vent, GT. <3