Not that I'm counting or anything.
I'm not really even sure why I'm posting this right now. Yes, I'm really excited to have my own place relatively soon. I'm spending all of my energy just tying to make it through each day and get to that point. My mother is driving me nuts. I have no privacy at all- I literally haven't had more than 15 minutes alone to myself in nearly 6 weeks. Really, I get into a bad headspace when I'm around my mom for too long. I feel years-old anger and resentment rise up in me for 1. Her total lack of involvement in my life from day one 2. The fact that she still manages to judge the crap out of me for decisions I'm
making despite the fact that she had no real hand in raising me and 3. Her refusal to take care of herself in any way. She's told me on several occasions that she's passively suicidal and doesn't want to live to be very old and to me it's FUCKING INFURIATING and sad and selfish. Of course, I feel bad for even feeling those things period, because if she wasn't here I'd very well be homeless until next month, she's had an extremely tough life, etc. but fuck, could you give me a moment's peace or not give me side eye and condescending remarks when I buy a mattress on sale for 75% off, after I haven't had a bed of my own in almost a year and stayed within my budget?
I don't know guys. I just feel absolutely sucked dry and not-myself and I hate it. I can't wait to get settled in my new place so I can find my center and remember who I am.