Today I overspent my energy. I know I need to thank whatever gods exist for how well I’ve been doing this week with the concussion but tonight I’m a bit bummed.
Yesterday we went to a food festival and it went really well, spent 6 hours just sitting in the sunshine and relaxing with coworkers/friends. Sipping lemonade while they drank wine. It was fun and peaceful even if I wasn’t 100%. It was fine.
This morning I had an appointment with the doctor for a pre-exam for a IUD (std test and whatnot) which meant setting my alarm. Then showering and such at the speed I needed to do it. By the time I got there I was already spent. Not being able to do everything in my own time is frankly more exhausting than anything. The UV lighting in the docs office didn’t help.
Then work. I was very tired so I spent a lot of time taking breaks and sitting outside in the sunshine with my shades on and my eyes closed. Surprisingly after a while (long lunch, long breaks) I started feeling much better than before. I actually got some good work in and finished what I’d hoped to and a bit extra!
As is tradition we had our friday evening drinks at work. Coworker invited some friends over (rebound guy and coworkers currently non-official gf) and we sat and chatted while they drank beer. Listened to BB King. At about 8 I was beyond spent. I said goodbye to everyone, gave everyone a big hug and left. Everyone wished me well and told me to take it easy and they meant well. Rebound guy too and said he’d noticed I’d been a big quiet and he hoped I’d feel better soon. But I just felt like such crap for having to leave because I was tired and dizzy, when I actually just wanted to stay.
I got home, was planning on going to sleep right away and not eating. But I’m trying to get myself on a good sleep schedule again so I ordered some Chinese food, ate a huge spring roll (and none of the piles of food I ordered) and puzzled while I waited for bedtime. And felt like a total ass for feeling so bad and not being able to just be myself. I know tonight one of the groups of people are going to have dinner, than watch a movie, maybe go for drinks later at night. They even said they’d be in touch later, before I wiped out and left. I felt so jealous. Jealous of their freedom to do what they wanted. Jealous of their laughter that didn’t induce a headache or dizziness. Jealous of the fact that they are probably going to dance the night away, or maybe watch a great movie.
My mind went to a teensy dark and self-pitying place for a little bit there. Wondering if I’ll ever (flair for the dramatic) have fun again and go dancing and drink something I enjoy and have hot sexy-times again and.. Just anything. Luckily it found it’s way back to a mantra of “You have a concussion, you need rest, this isn’t the end of the damn world. You’ll be better in a few weeks.”
This post has absolutely no point but I just wanted to type it out. Anyone want to wallow in self-pity with me?