Several things in life are making me laugh-cry at the moment with their irony or just their general suckiness. I’ll rate them for you, best to worst.
I’m still working on fixing my back and neck. There isn’t much progress. I was referred to a different therapist by my current and he was basically “Your back is hollow - round - round. You have the wrong back to sit all day. Or stand all day.” I’m a monster and it might be why I have headaches that last weeks. Upside: He feels fixing my posture will help a lot.
2. The wallet
Several months ago I lost my wallet. I discovered this when I was walking into the ER after a fall that left my thumb imobil. I’d quickly replaced most of my cards, all except my drivers licence. But after not being able to buy so much as a beer because I didn’t have my ID with me, yesterday I finally pulled my shit together and went and got my licence renewed. I payed the €45,- penalty for loosing my licence. The €50,- for renewing it and the €20,- for a new photo for it. So much money. But I sucked it up.
Today my wallet was delivered to the address of my friend (where the city believes I currently live) with my -now useless- licence in it.
3. The rebound guy
Remember how I totally didn’t have feelings for the rebound?? Haha. Well THAT was a joke. 2 weeks ago we slept together one last time and expressed that it’d be the last time ever. We work together now and for some reason I really want him. This fills me with no end of frustration. I’m convinced that the only reason I want him is 1. chemicals in the brain and 2. he doesn’t want me. I’ve got 2 dates lined up this week, several D’s I could get over at my house just a phone-call away. But nope. I want him. Instead we act stand-offish but polite to each other around the coffee and I resist the urge to be nasty to him because I am apparently a small child who gets mad because she can’t have her toy. I seem to have lost my appetite for lunch when he’s there. We have successfully avoided socialising in any way shape or form last week, hopefully we’ll manage again this week. The last sex we had wasn’t even that good! What the hell brain?!?! Thank god tomorrow is his day off.
4. The job
My job is basically my life. It’s where much of my social life is at. It’s my source of pride. It’s my identity. Several weeks ago I was pulled into a meeting by one of my bosses to let me know they were unhappy with my attitude and my work. I got to work on it straight away and by the time my manager got back from vacation (about a week and a half later) I got positive reactions to my work for a certain client and for my energy being better. Things were looking up. But today all is down. I can’t work on project 1 because I’m waiting on my UX designer. And on project 2 I got a review today from my contact at the client that they don’t like the design for the app and want to change it and have it reflect their other app more. We’re in sprint 4. We’ve been working on this thing for MONTHS. WHY NOW?!? So I laid down my work on that too. You know what I did today guys? I READ A FREAKING BOOK. I feel so goddamn useless. Jesus christ. Kill me for real.
Haha wait I forgot a part! An hour after the bad conversation with my boss about how I was doing such a shit job he sat down next to me at the lunch table and ranted about the girl he just interviewed and how amazing and great she was! She was hired on the spot! Awesome right?!? She works right behind me now and so far we’ve had 2 interactions, both of which were about how I wasn’t doing something right! She’s teaching me things! Awesome right?!?!
I feel so frustrated with myself right now. It’s like the world is trying to pull out the rug from-under me but instead of taking the hint I’m just standing there, laughing like a crazy person. What is there to do but laugh? Right?
I want to angry-drink right now. But I’d kind of told myself I wouldn’t drink today. But I want a drink. At least I have Incubus & Muse to help me out with their music.
I promised myself I wouldn’t complain about this shit but I needed to rant! Please please feel free to add your own rant!
ETA: I finished a tiny chore for work and I had a beer and listened to all the angry music. I feel better now :) I also forgot one.
5. Living situation
We live in an anti-squatting house, I live there illegally. Housemate is on the list and will get a new house appointed when we are kicked out of this one. I just want to have a place to live that is mine and that I can actually do shit with and unpack my damn books. But anyway, I’m looking at the rooms available, which is a totally depressing thing to do. My housemate looks at my laptop and goes “Dear god BC, tell me this a plan B type situation (it is, plan A is my own place through a lottery, me and 700 other unlucky bastards). Stop doing that, if I move to a place that doesn’t have a spare bedroom you can sleep on the couch as long as you need!”
Yes. Thank you. Because couch surfing is so much better than being in your own bed. She meant really well though. It’s a sweet offer.