Hey there Jezzies. I've seen some discussions about this and one commenter even touched on it in the "unpopular opinions" post, but I wanted to open these topics up to a (hopefully) larger audience & see if my newest emotions are things y'all can relate to.
I'm in my mid thirties and overweight. Not fat enough to be considered obese, but fat enough for it to be used against me as an insult. Big boobies, big arms, and a pretty great ass and pair of legs. With a tubby belly (but my boobs are bigger than my stomach, so I actually have a waist.) I was fired from my job several months ago, right after moving to another country for said job, so my self esteem has been badly bruised.
Fate was nice and now I have a job that I like and a place to stay in a great area. But I'm having some appearance issues that are starting to creep up and cause me a bit of anxiety/ annoyance/ frustration. The place that I work at is in the tourism industry and I work with a bunch of 25 year old guys that constantly talk about the tourist girls they pick up. I am older than everyone, except for the managers, and am the largest, "fattest" person there. And one of only three women, and two people of color.
The uniforms are universally unflattering, highlighting all of my problem areas, mainly my gut and my arms. And I hate it. I used to feel attractive only a few months ago. And now, I'm super self-conscious. I'm not young and thin, so to them I'm not pretty and that hurts.
My roommate who is about ten years older than me is in a similar position, but for different reasons. The country where I'm at is super classist and without a college education, most people will look down on you. And my roommate does not have a degree. Plus she works in the nightlife industry, another field where the young are beautiful and the old are sent out to pasture.
My roommate's method of dealing with these feeling of inadequacy is resentment. She resents me for being young with multiple degrees. And I think she resents me for being cute, which puts me in a never before visited hinterland of attraction. Ugly to some, pretty to others, resented by a few. And I don't really know how to process everything without developing obsessive thoughts. I can't really hang out with the people from work because the age gap just become apparent when we discuss different fears/ goals. And I don't want to talk to the older people I know about not being cute anymore because it just sounds vain. But I'm not in a good place and intense analysis is only making it worst.
So have any of you dealt with similar things? How did you cope? All advice is greatly appreciated.