Guys, it's late, and I'm going to take a moment to do something I wasn't going to do. I'm taking a moment to let the weight of what I'm feeling hit me a bit, to let myself cry, and to feel, just for a moment, that I don't know where I'm going to find the energy to keep going.
You know that "screaming internally" gif? I've been weeping internally since the vile legislature in my home state won their anti-abortion battle, third round. Part of me wants to get soundly, solidly drunk.
I'm an emotional mess for my friends, my family members, all the amazing women I know who could now have very different lives from this point. I'm weeping for my students. I'm going to be teaching in a low-income, high-minority, low-achieving school where drug dealing is the accepted after school job and the dropout rate is taller every year. This is a school where girls show up pregnant all year every year. How can I help them? How can I tell them to talk to their parents about their options when now, thank you, Texas, they have none? How can I tell them that this does not have to define their lives, when the law such as it is tells them that it does? How can I sit back in cases where I can tell them nothing at all and watch as yet another girl disappears under the surface?
It's politically incorrect do to so, and maybe it's just immature, or inappropriate, but I'm mourning what happened here tonight, because if I don't I'll go crazy. I'm mourning here and now, and I'm weeping for everyone whose lives are about to change. I might even be weeping for me.
And then tomorrow, I'm going to get up, dry my face, put on my big-girl clothes and go back to fighting, to writing, to teaching, to spreading discourse, to trying to make a difference. And I will take setbacks with alacrity and resilience, and I will look on the bright side, and I will use defeats as reasons to fight harder, and I will prevail.
I just can't do that, tonight. Tonight, I need to mourn, I need to cry, and I need to let it all out. And tomorrow, I will pick up my pen and I will join back in.