Hi! I'm a dude. That's how you can tell in advance that my post about rape prevention will be compelling, thorough, accurate, and the most complete solution available. I know that you have your ideas ladies, and you're totally right! But actually, you're kinda wrong and I'm going to tell you why.

Obviously, the problem with rape is that it happens and this is a problem that of course, we should be trying to address even though that's literally hopeless. In lieu of an actual solution, though, there are some things that you need to accept.

1) Yes, there are things that you can do to help prevent being raped, like this fence, which clearly could have been built from stronger materials.

2) Yes, you should be doing those things because duh.

3) If you're not doing those things, yes, you will get complaints that you are "at fault" for failing to have prevented your rape and by doing so, are more culpable than the actual rapist, something that we don't do for other crimes like murder or home invasion. But that doesn't mean that I'm victim blaming by mentioning that you can do things that will lessen your chances of being raped, even though the best case scenario is that by lessening your chances, you have upped the chances of some other person.


4) Yes, you have some complaints about the validity of the rape prevention tips, and yes, some of them are ridiculous. It's up to you to determine which I mean, because I'm not talking about specific rape prevention tips in this post, I'm talking about rape prevention theory. When I talk about rape culture and the way that it affects people, I am literally talking only about the things in this specific post and not rape culture at large, but that's ok because I don't actually have any rape culture in my post if I pretend that my post exists in a vacuum. Rape culture doesn't exist in a vacuum that contains only me, therefore, this post does not contribute to rape culture, QED. You are also required to pretend that my post exists in a vacuum because otherwise, my point might be invalid.


5) I know that you don't like number 4 because you, as women, live in rape culture and experience it in a way that I— as a dude— never will, so you think that your opinion is more valid than mine. This is another reason why my opinion exists in a vacuum. That way, men and women truly achieve equality for once. Equality, after all, only exists in a vacuum and you want equality, right?

6) You'll also notice that up until number 5, I didn't mention gender at all, and then I only mentioned it to show that the genders are equal, and thus unimportant to this post. OK maybe that logic is a bit circular or "unrealistic" or whatever it is that you ladies are complaining about now, but when I'm talking about rape, I'm talking about it in a gender neutral way because I know that it could happen to me! This is why I can talk from authority on the topic as a man even though statistically, far more women than men are raped and statistically speaking, every woman reading this has been sexually assaulted. Yes, if you're here discussing this while female, you care about the issue, so you most likely have been raped, but that's irrelevant because we're talking about rape in theory, which happens in a vacuum and has nothing to do with reality unless I say otherwise.


7) By discussing your rapes as hypothetical as well discussing rape prevention tips outside the greater rape culture, it is fair and valid of me to deny your accusations of victim blaming, even though what I'm saying are literally the words used to blame victims of rape— in the same order. It's not victim blaming because by assuming that I'm speaking in a vacuum, I'm speaking to zero people who have been raped, therefore, there are no victims to be blamed.

I'm glad that we can all agree now that I have solved the rape problem to the extent that it can be solved in modern society. Now go out and protect yourself, Ladies People! It works!