I love greeting cards the way some people (me) love wines. Finding just the right one is a treasure, but I'm happy to sip them all. Sure, the Hallmark lady looks at me funny when I swirl the card first and sniff the bouquet, but dammit, here's a technique here. There's a place for the glittery, for the licensed characters, for the elegant, for the minimalist, for the witty, for the tannins with spicy end notes. I tend to favor the absurd. It is worth it to paw through endless aisles to find just the right card for the right moment for the right person. Also, they are good for housewarmings. I do not think I can extend this wine anology any further.

There's a technique of course, and one must have standards. The pink aisle (for girls, duh) I tend to skip outright because there's never any dinosaurs or good jokes. Whole brands of birthday cards I turn up my nose at, because I get it, you're old now and women drink margaritas. Yawn. Anything with a poem written in italics gets a hard pass. But when you find just the right one, the one that will light up someone's face, or capture that inside joke, or that memory. Jackpot. When I found that hilarious panda card at Trader Joe's for one dollar? Or that one that sings about the dingo that ate your birthday cake? THE ONE WITH THE SAUSAGE AND THE SQUID?!

Now of course, this does make me personally hard to find cards for, because I hang out at Hallmarks like I think it's a library. I have five copies of this"Where's your birthday party at, bitch?" card including Christmas and Easter versions. But even if I've already seen this one,I promise I love it.

The ones from my dad are a particular treasure. In my five summers working at camp he sent exactly two cards:
The first was from that pink aisle with the cards about heels and margaritas. It had a picture of some sassy (I'm sure they were meant to be sassy) boots on the front. His note inside said, "You should definitely buy some new boots honey, and then use them to KICK SOME ASS."


The second card lives permanently on my refridgerator. The front is sunny and yellow with assorted citrus. A curly pink font declares, "When life hands you lemons...." I don't know how the card intended to finish the sentiment, it was most likely 'bout making margaritas, but my dad sharpied it out. The card now declares, "When life hands you lemons, you throw those goddamn lemons back in life's fucking face. Show life you are not a victim."

Please consider this (my very first) post as my first greeting card to you all!