I'm so sorry for the Debbie Downer post, but I just got some news and I'm abysmally saddened by it.

I applied for a scholarship from my grad school department. It would've been $5,000 โ€” essentially enough to cover my last year. I was cautiously hopeful I would get it โ€” I work hard and my professors like my work, but it's always a gamble.

I just got an e-mail from the department chair which told me that, while the department unanimously chose my application, the university was unable to substantiate financial need, so I couldn't be given the award. Umm, hello? I'm a teacher in a private school โ€” I have a cruddy salary and am paying for my graduate degree. I have financial need. I have no idea how they "substantiate need", but I'm pretty sure I can prove it. I e-mailed her back and pretty much said as much (in a less snarky way, because it's not her fault).

I appreciate that she let me know before they made the formal announcement, but wow. I feel like I got kicked in the stomach. It was mine! That would've been a nice notch on my CV! And a cushion to my walle!. Now I have to beg my job to give me another grant โ€” not guaranteed at all, and not as much as I could've gotten from this scholarship. And not nearly as prestigious.

I feel sick to my stomach and want to cry.

Not sure what I'm seeking by posting except an audience to vent my misery... sigh.