Welcome To The Bitchery

A Literary Scholar Walks into a Creationism Class

Creationism is religion or philosophy, completely reasonable topics to be discussed in schools as such; it simply shouldn't be taught as science because it isn't science. They aren't mutually exclusive; they are simply different topics. So let's apply the same treatment to other subjects. Let's swap! (And add dogs.)


Literary Scholarship

Science instructor: "The Earth orbits around the sun."
Student: "But what about Mary Shelly's Frankenstein and the idea of a malevolent creator?"

Advertisement

Geography instructor: "This line on the globe is called the equator. It's not a physical line on the Earth, merely a line draw onto a globe to separate the 'southern hemisphere' from the 'northern hemisphere.'"
Student: "But why aren't we discussing the controversy regarding the authorship and publication of the play Doctor Faustus, credited to Marlowe? Teach the controversy!"


Historical scholarship

Literature instructor: "And this is why Housman's Terrance This is Stupid Stuff is about poetry and art being better for dealing with life's troubles in the long-term than escapism through substance abuse, using beer as an example."
Student: "But historically speaking, beer made by monks is the standard of quality, so why are we talking about this in terms of the low quality beer sold at a Ludlow fair? And where did he leave his necktie, anyway? Does the necktie even exist? What about the necktie? Hmmm?"

Advertisement

Math scholarship

History instructor: "This is how Turing's machine helped us in World War II. Who knows what else he would have accomplished had he not been chemically castrated as a result of his prosecution on the grounds of his homosexuality, leading to his suicide."
Student: "However, if we apply the transitive property to homosexuality, wasn't he effectively female prior to chemical castration?"

Advertisement

I hate everything. Except maybe dogs. Team dog furever!

Share This Story