Just got back from therapy and I feel fucking worse than ever. I told her I just wanted to feel better so I would stop breastfeeding if there was a medication that wasn't compatible so she wants me to switch to prozac. And I keep arguing with woman who I don't feel like are being very supportive but why should I expect they are able to be since they never struggled with breastfeeding? I'm torn between being deeply ashamed and embarrassed about not being able to breastfeed and wanting to shout from the rooftops that so fucking what I don't breastfeed. I guarantee my kid will be better than yours. But honestly I don't believe that in the slightest. How will many baby ever overcome having me for a mother> I'm a neurotic mess without one ounce of maternal instinct in me. I'm selfish and not a cuddler or hugger. I enjoy being alone way too much to be a good parent. The psychiatrist wants me to find an online support group of other moms who are going thru this. I know some of you gave me links so I will check those out. But I don't know. I just have this scary feeling that I will continue to be the only one struggling this much with it. I'm supposed to just accept that my mom will probably never be able to be supportive in the way I want her to be. Okay great, the one parent I like out of my parents and in laws is the one to move 1700 miles away. I wish my mom had moved instead. I don't know where I'm going with this just that I can't stop bursting into tears and feeling shitty about myself.
ETA: Oh and also regarding body issues. Am I destined to never be able to look at a photo of a good looking woman again without wanting to never leave the house again? It's not even close to summer yet and I'm already dreading it.