Welcome To The Bitchery

A Most Embarrassing Professional Experience

Tell me about yours. I bet I can top it.

For the past few months, I’ve been fighting to get a prejudgment remedy (PJR) hearing for one of my inmate clients in federal court. Motions here, motions, there, extra briefing, they sent him to a prison out of state, I got him back, you name it. It’s taken a while. How contentious has it been?

Well, the hearing was set of Tuesday. Had been for over a month. On Sunday afternoon last, I get a motion from the attorney for the defendants asking to bifurcate the hearing (between liability and damages) and that could have delayed the hearing. A quick response on Monday (early) Monday and that didn’t happen (the judge might have acted as he did even if I hadn’t filed but, well, belt and suspenders).

So Tuesday, I woke up feeling sick. I’ve had a respiratory bug for a couple of weeks, but this time I felt sick. Flu-like. I managed to get to my office and pull things together. Took a cold pill. Got to court. Made it through the preliminaries. Put my client on the stand. Asked two or three starting questions and...


Fainted. Dead away.

In front of a federal magistrate judge. My client. The defense attorney and the defendants. The clerks. The marshals. The whole shootin’ match.

I remember my client starting to respond to the question, then hearing “the attorney is down” as I sort of woke up. My colleague said that just before I went down I turned the color of printer paper.

The court decided to call in the paramedics and continue the matter, which is what I should have done as soon as I realized I was feeling sick.


So I spent Tuesday in the ER and Tuesday night in the hospital with heart monitors in place (I was pretty sure it wasn’t that, and I was right) and pretty much slept the day through at home on Wednesday and Thursday. This morning Spouse gave me a ride to my car and I am now sitting in a coffee shop getting my shit back together.

Top that. I dare you.

—Andy “the collapsible attorney” M-S

Share This Story

Get our newsletter