Welcome To The Bitchery

I was half asleep this morning and imagining a dinner conversation* in which I subbed in a some words to “Take Me or Leave Me” from Rent to make it about cats. (Take me or Leave me...and feed me! You feed me everyday, you clean my poops at night, I vomit when I care to suuuucker, That’s my due! Etc.) This imaginary conversation originally started with me saying some humans (like me) were too much like dogs, in that we are so desperate to please others and be loved that we’ll do just about anything and take the most measly scraps of praise. (I know GT dog owners are the exception to this as they lavish praise on their furry ones of all species)

I was saying that humans should be more like cats who are selfish lil fuckers. Someone else brought up Donald Trump as being supremely cat like and my response:

Donald Trump is an unsuccessful comic book villain. He’s nothing like a cat being that he is a loose amalgamation of rotting prolapsed anuses from a hot dog factory.


I was so pleased with imaginary me that I had to get out of bed and write that down. I don’t think anyone over at the Slot has described him quite like that yet.

*This imaginary conversation is actually why I suspect I’m not invited to dinner parties because awkward much?

Share This Story

Get our newsletter