So this is sort of a complaint against my in laws but also my husband. He's making me resent/despise my in laws who are generally well meaning if not completely fucking helpless and insane. I tried to have a discussion tonight about who we wanted in the delivery room (we both agreed no one but the two of us yay!) and when we inform family of our first child's birth (not so much yay). My mom lives two hours away so our plan is to call her when I go into labor and then have her come at her leisure (I expect a long labor) and stay at our house until we let her know she is here. My in laws live right in town so again it should be really easy to just let them know it's started and tell them we'll let them know as soon as we're ready for visitors. Wrong!
It's really important to me that we have a couple hours to bond with her before we invite the chaos of family into the hospital room. Mr. Haa immediately informs me that we should just expect them to come as soon as we tell them I'm in labor because he knows them and "that's just how they are." Excuse me? I find that incredibly disrespectful on their part. I understand they are excited for us and Mr. Haa insists it comes from a place of them wanting to support me even though I've made it clear I don't want to interact with anyone (even my own mother) while I'm in labor. That they will convince themselves that they are needed in the waiting room even if we tell them otherwise. He says we can make sure they just stay in the waiting room but I'm afraid MIL will try to weasel her way in to see me especially since I can see my labor lasting 24+ hours (my mom's did with me). My MIL was a complete psycho when her daughter was in labor. I'm talking crying and telling her "I wish I could take the pain for you!". I literally watched my in labor SIL patting her mom's hand saying "really I'm okay mom." So I just don't want to even have to worry about the stress she brings with her. I think Mr. Haa just doesn't want to hurt her feelings but at this point I'm like I'm the one pushing an bowling ball out of my vag doesn't my comfort trump anyone's hurt feelings?!?! It's not about her.
I'm really upset about the whole thing and I don't really know what to do since Mr. Haa got really upset with me back. I want to come to an agreement that we can both live with. We ended the fight with him saying "fine we just won't tell them until after she is born." but I can tell he's pissed about it since he made some hurtful comments about how I want my mom to come stay for a week after he goes back to work after 2 weeks but I probably don't want his mom anywhere near us. I find comments like that really hurtful and unfair and weirdly they make me hate my in laws. I don't know I just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe I'm the one being unreasonable but I just feel like this is my time to be a bit selfish and do things the way I want to. They live 10 fucking minutes away; they will be able to see her after she is hours old. I'm miserable.