I don’t know exactly where else to ask this, so I’ll just ask it here, because why not? GT is an awesome community of people with a wide variety of life experiences. I have a question - several, actually - about sex addiction.
At my neighborhood bar there is a woman who regularly comes in all dolled up and gets shitfaced, hits on everyone - and I do mean “hits on” in the most obvious sense, like hand on the thigh, etc. - and and I do mean everyone, as in everyone. The kitchen staff, the regulars, randos who come in to play video poker. Most of the time she goes home alone, but at least 20% of the time, she takes someone with her.
This bar is host to all manner of broken spirits, but I feel especially sad for her, because I feel like she is trying to fill a void, emotionally speaking.
Before anybody accuses me of slut-shaming her, let me just say that I am hugely sex positive. I think that if you want to go out and get your rocks off with a stranger, or with a friend, or - fuck with your 2nd cousin, I don’t care, that is totally your prerogative and not my business and just use a condom because nobody likes the cooties.
But there’s an air of desperation around her behavior. And that’s what I’m responding to - this...thirst that seems to drive her from one person to the next. After I turned her down 5 (five!) times, I watched her go over to my friend and try the exact same thing.
There’s another factor: she’s in a wheelchair. Why that’s relevant: because if she were doing what she does as a person who was walking, she would have gotten 86ed by now. She makes the entire staff really uncomfortable. But they feel bad for her, because she’s in a wheelchair. And she always will be. So there’s that.
Also, because she’s a woman, I feel like she’s being allowed to behave a lot more sexually aggressively than her male counterpart would, and I’m not terribly comfortable with that, either.
I get this sense from her that she is craving an emotional connection and trying to find it through sex. Of all the places to connect with another human being, this particular bar is one of the least likely candidates. I want to say to her, “Go join a club. Get to know people who love something you love.” But for all I know, sex is the only thing she loves.
Anyway, sex addiction? Is this what is looks like? What is the deal? How do I even ask a question? I have question?
So confounded I broke my questionmaker.