Welcome To The Bitchery

A quick note to the other men of GT

Hey bros, how goes? Good? Yeah, me too. Not too much going on. I do want to just take ourselves aside as a group for a minute, though. We need to talk.

I think we all know GT is or aspires to be a feminist space. For various reasons that was attractive to us in a community. Pursuant to that, I think we need to remind ourselves of a few things.

Dudes. We’re dudes. We gotta be on our fucking best behavior here. Ours is not to control or direct the currents of a feminist space. Not saying any of us are doing that, but we should be trying to behave as consistently with the values of the community as possible because we’re dudes in a feminist space.


That also means we have to check ourselves. A lot. Someone feels uncomfortable about something one of us says here, we need to examine ourselves and try to make our behavior better so we don’t do it again. No, we don’t get to say “I didn’t mean it” because fuck off, that’s weak shit. That’s walking into a feminist space, dick swinging, and saying “I understand when your lady feelings are valid in response to my dick swinging and when they aren’t. Also, ladies, how do you like my boner I so graciously show off for you?” What I’m saying is that going into “You’re misinterpreting anything, stop with your invalid feelings now” is the emotional policing equivalent of dick pics.

And let’s be real here. We know what shit will make someone uncomfortable. Unless you’re new to town, you know that objectifying women makes them feel uncomfortable. You know that using familiar pet names with people you don’t know comes off as condescending (and often does even if you do know them). You know all these things that we should not do so we aren’t inflicting more patriarchy on women and that these things fly in the face of the feminist ethos GT aspires to live up to. So seriously, let’s try not to treat the women here like objects when we talk about them or go googly-eyed in selfie threads - it’s like getting all hot and bothered looking at your facebook friends list. That’s just eww. Let’s not “sweetie” and “hon” people here. Let’s, I don’t know, try and up our respect game.

It’s not that hard to be properly behaved. It’s not that hard to be basically respectful. And while we may mean something with the best intentions or feel that lots of compliments on looks or cute pet names for people here we think of as friends are just kindness, yeah, we don’t intend anything untoward. But we’re also not thinking about context, implication, and patriarchal history. Our intent doesn’t outweigh the legitimately felt responses, positive or negative, to what we do with that intent.

Okay dudes. Huddle over. Now let’s go kick that football and get a home run or whatever. Or compare beard styles over beer or some shit. I don’t know. Some kind of stereotypical man thing.

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