So I went to the LELO event, and I’ll be expanding this post later, but for now:

I was supposed to go to this thing with a friend tonight but stuff came up and she couldn’t make it.

So I invited this girl.

It starts off well, we meet at a pub beforehand for a bite to eat and a drink. She has two drinks, I have one, we both order food but she wraps most of hers up. Then we go to the event which was supposed to start at 7. We arrive, they’re just setting up, turns out it starts at 8.

So we leave and go to another bar. Again, she has 2 drinks, I have one. We chat, we’re having fun. An hour goes by, we head back to the event. She’s pretty drunk at this point. We go inside, she gets another drink and I get a glass of champagne. She’s being loud, stumbling around, spilling her drink on herself, and I’m embarrassed.

Someone is taking pictures of some floggers, and she starts in on them, saying repeatedly and very loudly, “Buy them, don’t take pictures! BUY THEM, DON’T TAKE PICTURES.”

She says she has one of the toys at home, and I say “You’re an interesting date” and she said “Hold on, this is a date?”

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Then she starts displaying signs of being in a blackout.

At this point she decides to leave, saying that these people are condescending and pretentious. She staggers out to the street and tries to grab a gypsy cab. I’m saying no, grab a yellow one, GRAB A YELLOW ONE. (Three drinks in, I’m a bit tipsy, although I ate more and paced myself better.)

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She crosses the street to do so. She’s on her way to meet a friend in Brooklyn, to play bingo and presumably drink more.

I’m left without a date and with a strong conviction of being a drunk magnet, but with a pretty decent consolation prize of high-end sex toys.

And no, none of that was stolen from Sex and the City.