Every now and again, I like to slide my dipstick into the oil drum that is America and see how we're doing, and there is no better way to ?get a true idea of our lowest common denominator than checking out the comments on a few Yahoo main page articles. Occasionally, I'm surprised and impressed - throw up an article on gay marriage and most of the comments are supportive and kind! - but mostly, they're about what you think they'd be. Let's take a quick sampling of what 'Murica has to say today (there were some classics!)
My comment sense began tingling as soon as I saw that Yahoo had an article up about the recent racist episode of How I Met Your Mother, and the commentariat did not disappoint:
Oh Angel! Your coy avatar winks at me knowingly. Yellowface indeed!! I also certainly do not understand how 3 white people pretending to be Asian could possibly be yellow face if they did not actually have Yellow on their face.
BuckFuddy, I too share your nostalgia for the older, better, more racist days. Today's racist shows simply do not go far enough! Reagan would have never stood for this wishy-washy racism!
But before we leave this trove of national treasures, let us not forget of course our token Libertarian commenter! RONPAUL4LIFE! Thank YOU Mg, for not only being too cool to be offended, but for being so much smarter than everyone else around you!
Now we move on, far away from the lively debate of this crowd to an article discussing a security expert's opinion that Sochi is just a ticking time bomb for a terrorist attack. Now, surprisingly here, we're seeing quite a lot of support for Russia - did you guys KNOW that Russia was so mind bogglingly awesome? For instance:
Fuck yeah, Russians! They know what a feces hole is for, am I right??? In case anyone is interested, I've started a Kickstarter account to raise enough money so that Gilbert S Lay can retire happily in the strongest Christian country in the world. I have a secret hunch however that old Gilbert sometimes gets weird feelings he can't explain in his feces hole when he sees shirtless photos of Putin...
And that's not even touching on the Russian forces, which aren't pussy forces like the U.S.! (Is it just me or is political correctness really getting to be a problem here? I mean, first it's ruining our racism and now we can't even kill terrorists because of it? Someone should look into this).
But perhaps the saddest fellow here is below. Forced to sit at home and watch YouTube so he can make sure that none of them queers are commentating on his winter sports!
Also - I have never heard the term Limousine Liberal and I am fascinated. You guys, am I a Limousine Liberal? From context clues, I'm gathering that that is a very athletic liberal who rides around having buttsex in a limousine.
And now, for our last article of the day over on Yahoo (yes, I know there are more - but I can only do three at a time, god help me) I took a bold chance and clicked on this little story about a hunter that won an auction to kill an endangered rhino. I must confess; I clicked on this one hoping against hope that the comments here would be pretty positive. People love animals! Sarah McLaughlin! They've got to hate this! My hunch was right. People DO love animals! However... it turns out they still don't really love other people very much:
Those are literally 3 of the top 5 comments on the article. I'd also like to really sincerely appreciate the avatar/comment juxtapositions. Confederate flag in a post about shooting rednecks? OLD YELLER THINKS WE SHOULD HUNT POACHERS? (Yes, I would watch Old Yeller 2: Rabid Revenge, but that's not the point). However, the winner of the comments goes to this fellow, who despite having an avatar that looks like Ghandi in a bamboo forest, really decides to run with one of the ideas above:
Oh. Okay. We weren't even talking about Mexico or uh, ears, and uhm.. sir? SIR? ARE YOU TOUCHING YOURSELF WHILE TYPING THAT?
I think that's my cue to go. If anyone needs me, I will be in a bath of boiling water, then maybe juicin' up my Limousine for a spin (it's a hybrid, obvi).