Person on Phone: Hi, this is Chris from [Corporate Entity]. Please note this call may be monitored for quality assurance purposes. Can I get the phone number associate with your account?

Me: Sure. It's xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Chris: Great. And can I get the mobile number for the account?

Me: ....I...what? I just gave it to you...

Chris: Sorry about that, my mistake - I meant the address.

Me: Sure. It's ___ ______, _____.

Chris: Great. And you are the account holder?

Me: Yes.

Chris: Great. So I see there's a balance of $112 on this account. How would you like to make that payment?

Me: So, here's the situation. Two months ago, I put a new credit card on this account. And I selected "auto pay," as I had on the previous card. But apparently, it can take up to two full billing cycles for the auto pay to begin. So in the meantime...it looks like I'm not paying my bills. But [Corporate Entity] has my credit card. They are free to charge it at any time.

Chris: Hm. Well...so do you want to make a payment?

Me: I would love to, Chris. I would love to pay. But [Corporate Entity] just doesn't seem to want to take my money.

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Chris: [silence. not on board with corporate sarcasm.]

Me: So, I've been getting these phone calls about not paying, and when I called back last week, I explained the situation, and a woman told me if I just hold tight and do nothing, the auto pay should kick in on the 23rd. And my service won't be affected if I don't pay before that. So that's what I was planning on doing. Is there any way you can put a note on my account saying, please don't call until after the 23rd?

Chris: Um...someone told you that?

Me: Yes.

Chris: Um - did you get a name? Because she shouldn't have told you that, that's not the case.

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Me: I didn't get her name. So was she incorrect?

Chris: Yeah, that wasn't right.

Me: So you're telling me if the auto-payment is made on the 23rd, which is next Thursday, I WILL lose my service before then?

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Chris: Um, yeah, I'm looking at the account here, and it looks like the service is getting cut off on Tuesday.

Me: Well - I don't know. You tell me what to do, then. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I know this isn't your fault, but - I seriously don't know what to do. [Corporate Entity] has had my credit card number for 2 months and just isn't charging it. Just charge the credit card.

Chris: Oh well, I personally can't do that.

Me: *long sigh of frustration* Okay. So - the card is supposed to get charged next Thursday. But you're telling me the service will be cut off on Tuesday the 21st?

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Chris: No. Tuesday the 28th.

Me: The 28th.

Chris: Yes

Me: So if I pay on the 23rd. I will not lose service before then.

Chris: Uh...well I guess not.

Me: So the other woman was correct.

Chris: What?

Me: Nevermind. Chris, why don't I go ahead and do that then. I will pay on Thursday.

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Chris: Great. Can I help you with anything else today?

Me: I...yeah. No.

Chris: Great, have a great weekend!

FIN

/SERIOUSLY I try not to be a jerk to those people, because I'm sure working as a phone lackey for [Any Corporate Entity] fucking blows, and people yell at you all the time, but COME ON MAN, GIVE ME A BREAK HERE!!!