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A Tale of Fail: There Is No Trigger Warning for Inanity

Picture, if you will, a guy in his... *gulp* mid-thirties, cheerily minding his own business at work, typing away at one of several computers at his desk, sipping his coffee. He is dressed fairly conservatively; navy pants and a nice light blue shirt were the order of the day, mostly due to being what happened to be clean in his closet that morning.

This is the sort of fellow to whom Things Happen™. Somehow he finds himself directly or indirectly participating in a lot of acts of impressive clumsiness on what he is sure is a greater-than-average basis. He drops things, breaks things, falls off of things, spills things. You get the idea. At times, it seems as though the universe orders itself such as to make these predilections worse.

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This was one of those times.

It was an innocent sip, he was sure, the kind of which hundreds of thousands (millions, hundreds of millions) are taken from coffee cups every day without incident. You lift the cup to your mouth, drink, set it back down again. What could be simpler? Orbital dynamics, perhaps, as it turns out, or the Grand Unified Theory. Somehow, the process of removing the cup from his mouth resulted in a geyser of brown liquid ejecting from the small oval hole in the lid and splattering all over the right side of his nice blue shirt.

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Time stops. Beyond being supremely irritated with himself for spilling something all over himself yet again, he knows a split-second decision is necessary here. If he waits much longer, the stain will set and become next to impossible to remove. But if he goes and tries to clean it now, he risks making the shirt unwearable due to being soaked. WHAT TO DO.

Well, he reasons, one of these options results in a permanent issue and the other does not. TO THE BATHROOM.

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It is so easy to soak an entire shirt with water when you are only trying to focus water and soap on a certain stained area. So, so easy.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how one ends up pretending a fleece is businesswear.

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Illustration for article titled A Tale of Fail: There Is No Trigger Warning for Inanity

At least the shirt is clean. And wet. Really wet. But clean.

Illustration for article titled A Tale of Fail: There Is No Trigger Warning for Inanity

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