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A tale of wedding drama!

If your life doesn’t have enough drama, or if you’re bored with your own and want to read about mine, I present to you: wedding drama courtesy of Greenheart. The funniest thing is, none of this is the wedding drama I expected. I’m not inviting my father to my wedding, and I’ve been braced for drama about that since we announced our engagement (a year and a half ago). So far, there’s been little to no drama about that, although my grandma (his mom) might not come because of it. The actual drama so far surrounds my mom and my maid of honor.

Drama #1: my mother. My mom is being SO WEIRD about everything right now. She never got a real wedding because her parents and my father basically pressured her into eloping and she has always had terrible boundaries. Also, my sister included her in none of her wedding planning. So she’s seemed very enthusiastic to help out with everything, saying she couldn’t wait for the shower and she’d help throw it, (which, I was planning on not having one) and she wanted to come with me to shop and help with crafts and stuff. She even wanted me to cater my own wedding and offered to help, which I nixed because I’m already doing all my own flowers. (Probably the smartest thing I’ve done so far.) But with every single thing so far, when it’s come time to actually make any decisions or do anything, she doesn’t actually seem to want to help very much. She’s too busy, she’s too overwhelmed with her work and trying to leave my dad and her personal life is full of drama (seriously, she has THE MOST dramatic and terrible friends!) Whatever the reason, so far she’s either skipped out of everything or been really weird and resentful about it after the fact. It is so exhausting for me. I’m already the kind of person who’s bad at delegating - it would be so much faster and easier to do everything myself, but I know people like helping and being included (just not to the point where it becomes a lot of work for them!) And like I said, I don’t really give a shit about bridal showers (actually I usually actively dislike them) and was going to ask not to have one. My bridal shower was last weekend, and we held it in my hometown for my mom and grandma, about two hours from where me and most of my friends live. Three of my bridesmaids hosted it together. One of them lives in Washington so she drove a total of about 9 hours to even be able to attend. At the last minute my mom apparently asked if she could help, and my bridesmaids told her she could make a plate of tea sandwiches. My mom, like always, turned it into this huge production, brought 5x as much food as she was asked to, and then after the shower complained to me about how my bridesmaids “supposedly threw the shower but then she did all the work” (NOT true, they sent out the invites, made up the games, had it at one of their houses, did all the decorating and cleaning up afterward, and made all the other food and the tea - all my mom did was make sandwiches and bring a couple of the favors). Then there was all this awkward drama at the actual shower - one of the games was one of those where you share a memory of the bride, and my mom’s memory was that I took her to her first bar. My grandma didn’t like that and left early, before I even got to open her gift. My mom also tried to invite herself to the bachelorette party - how do I nicely tell her that’s for my friends only? And that’s not even like 1/4 of the weird random drama that went down between my mom, my grandma, and all of her friends during that shower (some of which I didn’t hear about until after I left). Meanwhile, my friends were all amazing and I love them all.

Sort of drama #2: my maid of honor and another friend of mine. I have one guy in my wedding party. He’s an old friend of mine. Around December/January of this year, he and my maid of honor dated for about 6 weeks. Basically, he decided they weren’t a great match and he wasn’t really that into her. Sucks, but oh well. Except...she’s very sensitive, hasn’t had a lot of relationship experience, and was really into him. Since our wedding parties are so unusual (GreenHunk has 3 women in his wedding party, and we have a lot of overlapping friends), we just decided to do bachelor/bachelorette party invites based on who was in our wedding parties, so that means my groomsmaid gets an invite to the party. My maid of honor seemed fine with that initially. But this weekend, as we were hanging out before the shower, it came up that he is now sleeping with my roommate (casual for both of them, she’s poly and exploring right now and he’s a workaholic with no time for a real relationship). My MOH got really upset and said it was because he didn’t tell her (why on earth would he since they don’t really talk anymore?) I didn’t even know she didn’t know. She says she doesn’t care if he comes to the bachelorette party, but she was so clearly upset by it, and I know her, and I know she would rather he didn’t. If she were just a friend I would ignore it but she’s my maid of honor. I think she deserves to have fun at the party. I feel like the nicest thing to do would be to uninvite him, but that would probably hurt his feelings. Ugh.

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In conclusion, the only appropriate response to all of this is to laugh. And hey, at least it’s a chance to practice mindfulness!

OH AND ONE OTHER THING. My mother, who has said my whole life that she doesn’t care if she has grandkids and doesn’t need them, has abruptly changed her mind in the last few months and has brought up how I should have kids soon at least three times. And has also suggested that I freeze my eggs. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA like I have the money for that or would even use the money on that if I had it!

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