Medication round 2! But not as serious as the last time.

My therapist spoke to my doctor and Mamadukes and me, and was basically like "erhm, ok. So obviously the mood stabilizer and anti-depressant situation failed horribly and I don't want Fluffs experimenting with meds like that while she's in school (waiting til the semester ends). However, something needs to be done about the debilitating anxiety."

I saw her last night and we've been talking about finding ways to control my anxiety without meds, but after my insane panic attack yesterday she realized I could use a little more help. She still discussed a ton of exercises to do to help, but her main point was that I would effectively need to catch a panic attack immediately in order to stop it, something which I'm not capable of doing yet. SO, the ultimate decision was to get me a script for Xanax.

I'm not going to be taking it every day, only when my anxiety gets REALLY bad. My therapist said basically it won't completely eradicate the anxiety, but it will slow down the anxious thoughts enough so that I can utilize the techniques she taught me to control it myself.

At one point I said something like "I wish I didn't need meds and could control my broken brain myself" and she said "a diabetic doesn't consider themselves broken when they need an insulin shot. We will get you to a point where you can control your thoughts, but right now you just need some help. Being able to control anxiety will take a lot of time and patience and training, and so far you're doing great, but it's ok to need some help in the beginning. You're not broken, just like someone with diabetes isn't broken."

I told her I took Xanax once a long time ago and it didn't work out well, but I was also drinking at the time (I was in high school!) and she goes "yeah, no. You can't drink on this. Do NOT drink when you take one."

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So...yeah. Hopefully this helps! Wish me luck GT-ers :)