It's 15:30 on a Tuesday, I'm in sweatpants and a tshirt, on my couch, getting drunk off Stella Artois Cidre (the "e" and "r" are reversed, so you know it's classy) and marathoning Dance Moms on the UK Lifetime channel (why are they all so mean to each other?). Four years of university has been leading up to this moment, folks.