I haven’t yet moved a single stick of furniture into the new house, and I’m already experiencing my first crisis.

BAMBOO. SO MUCH BAMBOO.

HOW DO I KILL IT??????

There is a copse of bamboo between my house and the neighbor, and I’ve yet to determine which side from which it originates. My backyard consists of a steep drop-off just beyond my deck, and then an open acre. Surprise, surprise: the bamboo spread down the hill of the drop-off, and has exploded across the open space. In the 25 days since I made my offer and closed on the house, it has exploded into a full blown jungle and is rapidly moving towards the *other* neighbor’s yard.

I will take any and all advice, because my previous internet searches lead me to believe that I am royally fucked. My home inspector (who is the worst fireman ever) suggested flicking a match. Short of acquiring a panda, I’m not sure where to even start.

Hit me with you backyard horticulture nightmares, hivemind! And if anyone has the drop on baby pandas for sale...