I am sometimes really self-conscious about the fact that I am, very often, alone. It isn't that I don't like being around people - quite the contrary - but I work an overnight shift and my work schedule is so irregular that I am at work when everybody else is asleep or I am sleeping while everybody is at work.
Even so, during weekends and such, I just...find myself alone. My roommate has a new boyfriend, so they're always doing something. Since a lot of my other friends have moved away recently, I find myself not having many people to hang out with. I don't mind it, really. I talk to myself a lot, and I make up stories in my head, and I generally have the ability to space out as much as I want because I don't have to worry about listening to another person.
But as introverted and "in my own head" as I am, I do love to be around people. I like social interactions for the most part. On top of that, I am incredibly shy and sometimes timid, and I can let myself avoid doing something if I know I have to do it by myself. I feel that it's as if I have a huge sign on my head that says "LONER" when I do things like eat at a sit-down restaurant or see a movie by myself. Like people are judging me and looking at me with pity. "Oh, look at poor lonely woman over there. So glad I'm not her."
Lately, though, I've been getting out of my own way. I didn't know anybody who wanted to see Iron Man 3 with me, so I went by myself. Loved it. Same with Thor 2. I went to NYC by myself and, yes, I stayed with a friend, but I spent the majority of my days alone while she was at work. I had a BLAST. It was fabulous. So I know that I can do things by myself, with myself as company, and not feel too foolish or timid.
Anyway, I really really really want to see Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart in No Man's Land or Waiting for Godot. Like, I will be absolutely heartbroken if I don't.
It is also actually doable for me, since I live in DC and New York is a (four hour) bus ride away! I don't really have any reason stopping me from going...it's going to be my Christmas present to myself.
So why can't I pull the trigger and buy my ticket? I've never seen a play by myself before. Movies, yes, but only recently. And while I've been making great strides in Being Alone, I think a Broadway show, in the evening, just seems like something you'd do with someone. I can't help but think that I will be crossing some imaginary line into "Person who is ALONE." Even the most independent lady I'd ever met always went to the theatre with a friend. The tickets aren't unreasonably priced but it is a good chunk of change for one (at least, for a lady in her early 20s like myself, being irregularly employed and all that), and I don't think any of my friends would even consider spending about $60 for a theatre ticket.
Am I being ridiculous? Should I just go for it? (Or does anyone want to go with me? I'm thinking mid-February...)
Then I can't decide if I want to see No Man's Land or Waiting for Godot. Decisions, decisions!