In the past three weeks, I have discovered some all-important lessons of simultaneous adulting and moving into your own place.

1. Assume nothing. Not all brownstone walk-ups have mailboxes, apparently. Also, sometimes the red faucet is actually the cold water. Must be sharp about these things.

2. Don’t try to schedule things in advance. Asking the landlady if she would like you to clean things out a couple days early, with rent pro-rated, before the new tenant comes in may be met with a harsh, rude email. Remember this when she emails you three weeks later asking if you can clean things out a couple days early before the new tenant comes in.

3. Trust no one. If Fedex says they will hold your couch for you at a designated location that is in a different borough, don’t be surprised when the delivery guy calls and says he is at your new apartment and is going to leave the large package on the stoop. Even though you rented a pick up truck to pick up couch at said designated location at a certain time, as promised by FedEx guy #1. Try not to freak out at FedEx guy #2. Fail.

3a. This includes the lovely friends you do not pay to help you move. Paying in food and alcohol will not lead to great accountability in the moving of things. Still, pay plentiful amounts of food and alcohol.

3b. This also includes the US Post Office. You can live at an address that does not technically exist. You won’t be able to forward your mail. The USPS guy may call you to confirm if you are still having problems. They won’t help you either.

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4. Attempting to interview for new jobs will make this transition 45% more painful and stressful. Grin and bear your current position so you don’t drive yourself into absolute nuttery, including deep quitting fantasies.

5. Pinterest sells hopes and dreams. Don’t stare wistfully at the millions of kitchen hacks and tiny kitchen space organizers and will it into existence, knowing that handling a drill and creating the perfect food wall shelf is not for you.

6. Pate, bread, and red wine can serve as dinner for a week. It will make you feel better.

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Feel free to add your own adventures in adult-moving. Or send booze.