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Adventures in Online Dating: Rejection and First Date Jitters

Illustration for article titled Adventures in Online Dating: Rejection and First Date Jitters

I'm going to treat GT like it's my diary!

So I am definitely new to this whole dating experience. I got started on OkC and have been having...well an interesting experience. I really haven't been replying to anyone who doesn't try to start a real conversation (I have no time for 'hey, your beautiful's) and recently got a message from a guy who seemed legitimate. He was pretty open to take things offline, made mentions of having a first date to get to know each other better and gave me his phone number.


So I text him and he mentions trying to find me on Facebook and failing. I tell him that I made myself unsearchable on Facebook because I have a really uncommon name, but that I would send him a friend request so that the playing field would be equal for FacebookStalking purposes and he agreed this would be a good idea.

After I send him a friend request, dead silence. He sent one more text saying "Thanks. I don't friend people until I meet them though. Long story." That was his last text.


I figured maybe he just fell asleep, this all happened pretty late on Sunday night, so I didn't over think it. But then I didn't hear from him at all the next day, so around 10p.m. I texted, asking jokingly whether or not my Facebook had scared him off. He replies that it didn't, but that he has been pretty busy with work. Then he says that he "doesn't what [he's] looking for" in online dating. I tell him that I just got out of a serious relationship and am not looking for a repeat of that situation. And then he repeats that he just isn't sure what he wants.

Now the trusting, wannabe therapist in me is ready to go in full-fledged 'find yourself' mode and help this dude work through whatever is preventing him from knowing what he wants from a freaking dating website. But the more cynical part of me just wants to tell him that he was the pursuer the entire time and that if he isn't interested, that's fine but he doesn't have to come up with a bullshit excuse as to why he doesn't want to meet me.


So now I just feel a little annoyed. What was it about my Facebook that struck fear into this dude's heart? Why is this crisis of confidence coming just in time for my first real date (both in real life and in OkCupidland)? Does anyone have any first date advice?

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