Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

The setting: public bus that happens to be on a school route. Outskirts of a major British city.

The characters: Four boys, perhaps around the age of 14. Not quite cool kids, but not social outcasts either. Sitting on the back seat but nervous about the driver seeing them with their feet on the seats.


Boy 1: I'm so pissed off about that seating plan in geography. My table is shit.

Boy 2: Mate, it can't be worse than mine.

Boy 3: Yeah, yours is pretty bad, to be fair.

Boy 1: Nah, nah, mine is definitely the worst. Jake, Scott AND Alec. You can't get worse than that, I mean, fucking hell.


Boy 4: Aww shit, Alec? Fucking hell... he's so fucking annoying.

Boy 1: Yeah, he thinks he's proper funny, but he just chats shit all the time. So determined to be my mate, he's such a try hard.


Boy 2: Sorry, but that's nothing compared to my group. I have Ryan [surname].

All at once: uggggh

Boy 3: Yeah, no one deserves that shit.

Boy 2 [puts on whiney, high pitched voice]: My name's Ryan! I can't do this work! I hate school! I hate life! Look at my cut up emo arms! Why won't the school let me dye my hair blue? They're discriminating against me because I'm a creepy fuck!


[They all laugh]

Boy 3: You guys are all so unlucky. Mine's all right. The only bad one I have is Alisha.


Boy 1: What's wrong with her? She's fit. I would.

Boy 3: All she does is bitch about people all the time. Always talking about people behind their backs.


Boy 4: Girls are so nasty to each other.

Boy 2: Yeah man, it's bizarre how bitchy they are. I hate girls that bitch all the time. Just not worthy my time.

Illustration for article titled Adventures on public transport

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