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All of the Weird

It's early and it's already a weird day. Everything is dramatic.

The day started off with my friend who is the rude bride sending me a text saying "Did you give those guys your underwear?"

Wut? At the bachelorette party there were those stupid party games, and the bride was uncomfortable with the dare cards and said she'd rather not play. Two of the girls took off and brought back with them a bachelor party who said they wanted the groom-to-be from their party and the bride-to-be from our party to trade underwear. I made a joke that if they wanted ladies underwear so badly that forever 21 was right up the street and I would buy them a pair for $3.50. They didn't take the hint and the bride was getting more and more upset by the moment while the two girls were all over the guys in the bachelor party. The bride-to-be's fiance is best friends with one of the girl's fiance's and she started texting her fiance about this girl's behavior. Somehow, that led to this girl saying "Yeah, I was flirting with them, but Flossie gave them her underwear, it could be a whole lot worse!" So that got back to the bride-to-be, who actually didn't think I did it and was upset that this girl was trying to use me to cover her ass. Did not think that would happen.


By the way, the bachelorette party was fucking terrible. It was mentioned several times that I was the only one in attendance who was not in a serious relationship and my job was brought up several times. The bridal shower was also gruesome and I have never felt more like Bridget Jones more in my life. How does one become a divorced spinster at the grand old age of 23? What's worse than one smug married couple? Lots of smug married couples. Someone actually said to me "You'll find the right man, just like our (my friend's name) did!" I was pissed off enough at this point that I replied, "I'm working on becoming an older majestic lesbian, but thanks."

Then my ex-husband texts me about an ex I had before him (all of my exes somehow know each other, I'm expecting them to form a league any day now). This ex used to work for an organization that promoted atheism and secularism. He just got divorced, got of rehab, and has apparently found Jesus. Ex-husband wanted me to send a picture of him and ex's ex-wife to ex to fuck with him since I'm apparently the only one ex doesn't have blocked on fb or by phone. Lol, no. But thanks for the heads up.

Then I get a text from Great White Buffalo because my friend, we'll call her Harley, posted on FB "I think I just got (insert GWB's name here)-ed" because her best friend won't reply to her texts, but is liking her stuff on social media and that's what GWB would do to me all the time. So the text said "WTF Flossie. WTF does that even mean?" To which I explained what it meant and ended the text with "Bye Felicia."

Then my best friend who I was having the argument with a couple weeks ago texted me telling me that she didn't need to use my truck today because another friend is letting her use theirs and that she would hate to be anymore of a burden to me. The fuck?


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