Mom Waffle just joined the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR), and was telling me and Dad Waffle about what she’s learned of American history so far.

Mom Waffle: There’s a ship , called the Hermione, that came from France to help the Americans defeat the British. I think some guy named LaFayette brought it? Anyway, they thought we were stupid when we made the Louisiana Purchase.

Dad Waffle: The Russians thought we were stupid for buying Alaska, and look how that turned out! I can’t remember the name of the guy who made that deal...

MW: Johnny Klondike?

Me: Ahh, yes. Ol’ Johnny Klondike! Wandered into a tavern one night and encountered the Russians, who said, “Heyyy, Johnny! What would you do for the Alaskan Territory?” Not one to back away from a game of Truth or Dare, he took the Russians on. Shit got weird. He’s better known as the purveyor of chocolate-covered ice cream treats.”

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MW: He ran into some guy carrying chocolate. “Hey, your chocolate is on my ice cream!” “Your ice cream is in my chocolate!”

Me: He remembered the song the Russians taunted him with and thought, “Hey, that’s a snappy tune! What would you doo-OOO-ooo, for a Klondike bar?”

We weren’t even drunk yet. How was YOUR Father’s Day?

EDIT: Just so you guys know, my parents aren’t idiots. We were just having a bit of fun. Thanks!