And if I am, what's the next level of transformation?
I've barely cried since the break-up. When I talk about it I generally do so with a cheerful air, with maybe a hint of sadness on the edges. I know it's a partial front, I feel very uncomfortable being open about feelings I'm having at that moment to anyone I'm not particularly intimate with. When I'm left to my own devices I feel deeply sad but I don't cry. Only when I talked to (x)boyfriend tuesday night. I could barely stop crying all throughout the phonecall. Even as we were laughing at jokes I was crying.
My friends were happy and cheerful at the party tonight but everything reminded me of the (x). We used to go to these types of party's all the time, dance, make faces, look stupid and have fun. There was a set of 90's inspired music, which the (x) would've LOVED. I felt that lump rise in my throat, even when I didn't I could barely stand to smile. I decided around 3 to excuse myself and get out of there. Now I'm in a friends house in our old building, alone (friends are out), with all this time to myself and I can't cry.
Have I become an emotional zombie? Is this normal?