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Am I being unreasonable?

So today was a departmental release day for my team at work, and they are always dreadful because I do not click with these people. We are 3 women and 1 man. I’m the youngest by 15 years but also the department lead, so I facilitate the meetings and create the agendas.

The man, we’ll call him S, and I don’t get along at all. Part of this stems from him being machista and me being less experienced yet still saddled with most of the work (I did not volunteer for lead, but no one else could or wanted to do the work). But he also tends to get upset and entitled over things and hates when I ask that people not yell or talk over each other. Literally, more than 3/4ths of our meetings consist of everyone yelling over each other until they get sick of it and nothing gets accomplished.

Today S and our newsest member, P, got into it over what classes they’re teaching next year. I cut in to give input, and he started yelling at me (legitimately raising his voice in anger). When I asked him not to yell at me and talk to me at a normal volume, he got upset and P (again, a woman) spent half of lunch making me feel like I was at fault.


Full disclosure, I sometimes try to pull everyone back on task by mentioning that I have ADHD and I can’t take notes and listen to 3 people talk over each other. Addtionally, I have PTSD that can get triggered by yelling. P said that it comes off as dismissive/condescending when mention it to get people on track and that my health issues are my problem to deal with, not theirs. I’m just going to stop bringing it up full-stop, but I also don’t want to risk a flashback/panic attack at work.

Is it honestly unreasonable to ask to not be yelled at by my peers in a professional setting? I literally don’t raise my voice to my students because it seems counterproductive—or anyone else in a non-personal setting. Anyway, how do I navigate this?

Luckily I am no longer in this department next year, so he won’t be my problem anymore come June.

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