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Am I being unreasonable? / Fuck weddings. And fuck sibling rivalry.

Large-family drama ahead. Weddings and siblings. Probably boring for anyone not related to me and exasperating for anyone who is.

Okay, so there's been a tad bit of family drama for the past several months with two of my sisters (C and B) getting engaged and scheduling weddings for the same month. Lots of passive aggressive backbiting, "nobody understands my special snowflake feelz" and arguing about dates, relative ages and logistics, excuses why they're the most reasonable for wanting to get married at this time and not another, and who was engaged first and pretending to be the reasonable, generous one while still refusing to actually compromise on a date. You've got to love the "but I'm so willing to compromise and she isn't! She won't move on her date and I was totally willing to compromise and choose the date I wanted to begin with!" So, yeah. I'm pissed off at both of them. I'm doubly pissed off at both of them for using the date of our dad's death as an excuse to not budge also. Maybe I'm being insensitive to their ways of mourning there, but they know damn well he'd have told them to suck it up and have a double wedding (and then hugged them and tried to bribe them to make them feel better because he was a total pushover).

It should be noted that mr. lurker and I are the ones who have to travel the farthest since we live in a different country, so the arguments about dates ended up centering around us. It's simply not possible for us to travel twice in a year, and there's only so much vacation time that can be taken. Mr. lurker and I have taken the stand from the beginning that we're not picking one over the other. That if the make us choose one wedding, we will choose to go to neither. This pretty much did nothing in the long run, because their respective chosen dates are a couple weeks apart from each other, just far enough apart that it may possibly be feasible to attend but may not be. Sister C is currently running on the assumption that I will be able to be there and bridesmaid and thus running full speed ahead with her planning, sister B isn't that good at planning this far ahead and probably assumes but hasn't mentioned.


So, that's background drama. Currently, sister C has decided on bridesmaid's dresses and emailed all of us with the link. Sister A (oldest and already married, who soured me on bridesmaiding to begin with) "tried it on and it's very flattering". Thing is, all my sisters are members of the IBTC. I'm . . . decidedly not. The one sister who didn't want to deal with boobs ended up with a rather extreme hourglass. Looking at the online sizing guide, there's a good 4 size difference in fit for waist and bust. And taking in a few reviews, it looks like a recipe for "no amount of alteration will make this look good on you." It doesn't look like sister C is willing to consider different dress styles for different people. And she envies those stupid fat bags that get in the way of everything, so she might resent emphasis on it being hard to find clothes that fit, and how dresses cut to create the illusion of curves on a straight figure often don't look very good when the curves are already very much present.

Also, she's planning for us all to get our hair and makeup professionally done. Which is completely pointless, considering that we are all quite practiced at updos, curling, braids, and any variation on those, really. (I did sister A's hair for her wedding, and my sister-in-law's and her bridesmaids' hair for her wedding. We also have plenty of make-up applying ability.) And I have short hair that I will not be growing out. (That was one of Sister A's unreasonable requests, and I'm not doing it again.) I don't have lots of cash floating around for unnecessary extravagances even when you don't count transoceanic+transcontinental plane tickets into things, and I definitely don't need to pay somebody else to put a little bit of pomade in my hair and call it a day.

Where is it reasonable to put my foot down? Where is it reasonable to ask for extra consideration? So far, I've said "if you want red and pink as your colors give me red because I refuse to wear pink", and I've reminded them that my chronic injuries will not allow for shitty shoes even if they color match. Okay, and I've said "If I have to choose one I'll choose neither", and "I'm not going to tell you what you should have done. I've listened to both of you, you both have valid feelings, and you're both still being unreasonable." (I'm sure there will be more ridiculousness coming, and I have limited patience considering that only one of my sisters came to my wedding, and I'm pretty sure the money that was meant to go into a wedding present for us got spent on her bad planning resulting in renting a car without extra insurance and totaling it. And I've already got some residual resentment going on from sister A's "bridesmaid bonding activities", which included me being designated driver and paying for all my own drinks, having to borrow money for someone to make my toes bleed, and getting yelled at for ending up with an uneven tan because I got stuck in uneven shade attending to her guests.) I know they're both caught up in their own things, but still. I'm feeling put upon.

Aargh. Families. Maybe I'll be less aggravated after I sleep on it.

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