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Welcome To The Bitchery

Last night, Homey brought me home some new pots and pans and I was so grateful. Like, 10 years ago, I would’ve been like, That’s a gift for the house, not for me! Now? I’m like, They’re beautiful!!!! Thank yoooooou!

Illustration for article titled Am I middle aged now?

Also, we had sex last night and, about halfway through, Homey said, “Oh, my knee! Can we roll over?” I climbed on top and was immediately like, “Ooooh, my hip!”

Guys? I’m scurred!

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