After the breakdown yesterday I was determined to make today better. I've successfully written one blog post and started a little bit of a course on the Swift programming language, but it's 2:30 and I'm close to tears once again. Very distracted, very ADHD, very depressive state.
I brought a quarter cup of salted peanuts to work with me to have as an afternoon snack. I figured, hey, it's high in protein and good for me and filling. But I've been craving yam tempura from the sushi place downstairs since Monday and it's still all I can think about. I JUST ate lunch two hours ago and have been eating peanuts, but still, nope, all I want is yam tempura. I don't even think I'm hungry but I want it.
I think I'm going to shrug and give in. I made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow because things are clearly bad in my brain chemistry department, even if this current depression is partially PMS-related. I'm going to eat delicious yam, and then I'll fix what's wrong in my head and things will be less of a slog.
I've been depressed for almost three years, medicated for two, and yet every day I wake up and try to make it a better day. I still have hope that I'll have good days, and sometimes I really do. But sometimes I don't.