Because y'all. This song is sooooooooooooo fucking deep. It is deeper than the Mariana Trench. It is so deep that dwarfs are scared to enter it. It is so deep that philosophy majors are astounded by its deepitude, feel woefully inadequate, and switch to communications. It is so deep, hipsters admit to liking it unironically. It is so deep, Jules Verne wrote an entire series of books about exploring it and finding lost civilizations at its bottom. Yeah. THAT DEEP.

"But, Shiny," you say, "the song is so deep that my poor, weak, girl-brain cannot process its awesomeness!" "Ah," says I, "Shiny is here to help. We will work through this deep song of deepness. We will do this thing. We will do it TOGETHER. Much like when we visit the bathroom in a massive group because that's what girls do, right?" Fear not. Let us begin.

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

Our narrator here is referring to difficult times. "Sometimes things are bad," he says. Note that he seems to be referring to things which are out of his control, but are, in fact, not. The cards do not fold themselves. When you are dealt a shitty hand YOU decide whether or not to fold or bluff. And let's be honest here, folding is often a smart move and a way to stay in the game, not really such a bad thing. And "the saints we see are all made of gold"? This is a matter of shifting your perspective, my friend. YOU are the one who chooses to disregard all flaws and views these "saints" as something non-human. No, he cannot control the weather and bring back summer, but he can put on a sweater and thus combat the cold days.

When your dreams all fail

Again, our friend the narrator is referring to difficult times. He had goals and ambitions, but he has been unable to achieve them.

And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all

Clearly, our narrator needs a new circle of friends. He feels let down by those around him. This is sad, but also a matter of choice. Stop surrounding yourself with toxic people, Narrator. Be strong. Cut them out of your life. It is difficult, but we have faith in you.


And the blood’s run stale

Here, our narrator reveals that he is, in fact, a vampire, and that he has even lost his bloodlust. This is quite unfortunate. But even Dracula went through these periods of ennui, so all hope is not lost, dear Narrator. You will feel the joy of ripping out virgins' throats again, I promise.

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

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Intriguing. Our Narrator has a dangerous secret. He would like to keep this secret from us, for our own protection, of course, but he feels that because of the aforementioned hard times, he cannot do this. There is mention of a Beast. The Beast has entered the building and is some kind of master at the seeking part of hide-and-seek.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed

Despite the fact that the Narrator is an expert at gene-splicing, he cannot stop producing critters with the basic element "greed." In fact, he feels that this basic element is the entire basis of the DNA of all life.

This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

The Narrator has been watching too many specials on TLC about the book of Revelation.

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

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Occasionally, the Narrator will get a fever. When this occurs, tiny demons will be apparent in his eyes. Perhaps the Beast, Master Seeker, will be able to find their hiding place.


Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Again, the Narrator is warning us about his dangerous secrets. There is inadequate lighting in his domicile, so we should be careful upon entering. Also, more demons waiting for the Beast to seek them out.

Curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

Our narrator is referencing the Bard's sentiment that "all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players." The curtain call is the end of the play, and thus, of life. Our narrator postulates that those who have not played their parts well will no longer be able to walk upright at this point.

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you've made

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Someone has already decided that the person to whom the song is addressed is dead and has begun preparations. Also, there is a fancy dress ball occurring nearby and the entire party is quite disturbed by the disarray of the "you" of the song's home. Possibly, the person doing the digging did not clean up after, and the party blames "you" for this breach of etiquette.

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

Again, the narrator is stating that things are beyond his control. Despite his desire to be a helpful, good person, he is not going to accomplish this. He is going to take a trip to Hell. He is taking this trip for the sake of the "you" in the song. He no longer wishes to deny that he is a scumbag.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

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Repetition of previous chorus denying all responsibility for one's own actions.

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Repetition of statement that Narrator is Not Good People. Warning of Dangerous Secrets. Ooooooooooo.

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

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The Narrator acknowledges that others have stated a need for him to take responsibility for his own actions, but that he has denied this and placed all blame on The Universe. And this intrinsic badness, over which he has no control, is why he's breaking up with you. Doesn't that make you feel better about it?

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

Narrator indicates that "you" has high wattage bulbs in her eyes and wants to insure that they do not burn out. He wants to protect her from his Bad Secrets, but at the same time feels that she could be his salvation. Such a dilemma.

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To the "you" of this song, and to anyone whose fella thinks it is the BEST SONG EVAR, I have one piece of advice: