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An Open Letter to all Dog Owners

Now that the summer season is upon us, and the weather is beautiful, dog lovers everywhere start flooding the streets and local parks on walks with their four legged friends. Most of you know the rules and are very respectful, so I really didn't think this conversation (okay, rant) was going to be necessary. However...

Our lovely little jaunt through the park today was the straw that broke the camel's back. FUCK YOU. ALL OF YOU. whew, had to get that off my chest. Now, I thought this was well known, but apparently it's BREAKING NEWS! Stop the presses! Alert the media! Are you sure you guys are ready for this (jeellllllyy!)? Okay, take a deep breath, here it goes...


Human beings, the amazingly advanced civilization that we are, have developed a thing known as a "Dog Park" (pronounced dawg pahrk). Shocking right? Let's explore this new concept! Courtesy of Wikipedia, a "Dog Park" is "a park for dogs to exercise and play off-leash in a controlled environment under the supervision of their owners". It's really a lot of fun, you guys should totally check it out.

Now before we go any further take note, a "Dog Park" is NOT the same as a "Park" (note the word dog is missing here, indicating that this is NOT the dog park). A "Park" according to Wikipedia, is "an area of open space provided for recreational use, usually owned and maintained by a local government. Parks commonly resemble savannas or open woodlands, the types of landscape that human beings find most relaxing". Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, I absolutely agree that one of the recreations people enjoy is walking their dog (I thoroughly enjoy this too!, and I also agree that time spent alongside our four legged friends is can be particularly relaxing. What I do not enjoy doing recreationaly, not do I find it relaxing, is when some jackass dog owner makes the jackass decision to let their poorly trained dog off leash and go running around wreaking havoc on everyone, especially other people with dogs (dogs like dogs, this isn't too far of a stretch people). This happened to me and my husband TWICE while on our most recent walk (yes, I came right inside and started madly typing away. So what?).

The first time, the offending owners dog wasn't more than 30 pounds (neither is mine), so my husband could easily pick up our dog to separate them and stop the interact between the dogs altogether. The second time however, it was a large chocolate lab (or some big brown dog). Here's the kicker: both times this occurred, as the dog was riding towards us the offending owners could clearly see my husband rush to bend down to pick up our dog so to separate them, then they waved and yelled out "DON'T WORRY! MY DOG IS FINE and very friendly!". Congratulations! I'm so glad to hear that your dog is uber friendly. But guess what? MINE ISN'T! That's right, you heard me correctly. My dog is NOT friendly with other dogs whatsoever, and she WILL bite. Despite the fact that she might be the cutest thing you've ever seen and you just can't wait for our dogs to be best buds, she can be pretty nasty. People are a different story however, she's is the biggest, friendliest attention whore to ever walk on four legs. But due to trauma, dogs are a different story. Back to the walk...The first time, the offending owner replied to me saying "I don't care if she snaps at my dog" (umm wtf?), and the second time, the offending owner snarkly replied "oh well, YOU should have said so then!". Oh I'm sorry! We didn't have time to tell you my dog lost an eye to another dog, is no longer friendly with other dogs and is fucking terrified of them before your huge ass dog managed to rush full on down the hill towards me from behind? I must have missed that part. Kind of took me a little by surprise, ya know? But guess what? There's a reason we chose to go for a walk tonight in our neighborhood "Park". It's because most people who are sane and have even the slightest bit of common courtesy will leash (please don't tell me we need to define leash) their dogs when walking in the "Park". Bless all of you who do. Seriously, you're the wonderful, rare little unicorns of the dog walking world.

Now, for those of you who think I'm overreacting. Have you ever watched your dog's eyeball swell up to bigger than the size of a golf ball (a big, red, mushy golf ball) in a matter of minutes while moaning and yelping in excruciating pain after being bitten by another dog? Have you ever paid THAT vet bill?! Ever seen those bruises? Have you had to nurse your poor baby dog back to health, watching her bump into things as she readjusts to life with one eye? Have you dealt with the separation anxiety that shit caused me? What if my dog was way bigger, and I physically wasn't capable of picking her up when your dog bum rushes me? What if I just physically couldn't pick up my dog at all, regardless of size? What if I was the one who had been attacked by a dog and was terrified and freaked out? What if I mistook your oh so "friendly dog" for a mean, rabid one and felt forced to defend myself against it? No one wants that. No one wants any of those situations, at least I certainly don't. Please leash your dog, it's not hard.


We all should know the difference between a 'park' and a 'dog park' now, right? Just in case you're still unclear, just remember: if the word "dog" appears in front of the word "park", that's the place you go when you want to let your dog run around off-leash and basically do whateverthefuck they want! Sounds fun right!? It is! If the word "dog" is missing, a leash is the answer. So how about next time you want to let your furry friend run around off-leash like a rabid dog, you just GO TO THE FUCKING DOG PARK instead? Too much to ask? I really don't fucking think so...

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