Dear Wii Fit,
Look. On nights when I would rather rip out my hair than get on the treadmill, you are a happy compromise. I can build up a light sweat of low impact cardio, body resistance training, and strange balance games. But we're having some issues, you and I.
1. Har har, pretend you don't know me because I haven't hung out with you in awhile. I know it's been 268 days.
2. When I stand on your board, sometimes you say "Oh!" as if you're shocked about me standing on you. It's the same sound I make when my dogs snuggle me with 121 pounds of aggressive, simultaneous affection. Don't do that. If you wanted us to hang out more you wouldn't do that.
3. Yes, fitness trainer lady, I *did* put my foot down during the single leg extensions. You don't need to keep commenting on it. I'm sorry. My sweaty foot was gliding across the board and I decided staying upright was more important. Also, I hate how you say "TOE-ning your BOD-y."
4. I can't please you on the sideways steps during the advanced aerobic step. I have no idea what you want. I try to give it to you. I follow my Mii diligently. You always tell me I'm just okay. Communicate with me.
5. Yes. My fitness age is higher than my actual age. I don't even know how you calculated this, but I call bull.
6. Why am I rolling balls with disembodied heads into holes on tilted planes? What is this? Where are we?
7. The womp-womp music when I've failed to do an activity is REALLY HELPFUL.
So yeah, if you could work on these things, Wii Fit, maybe we'd be happier. Maybe we could spend more time avoiding the treadmill together. If you don't, I'm going to abandon you for youtube videos.
Hearts and Stars,