This is a really beautifully written piece on chronic pelvic pain with intercourse, something I am all too familiar with. She really touches on the conflict of wanting to be with your partner intimately, and yet resenting them for deriving so much pleasure from what has only brought you pain, and the complicated idea of consent in the situation where you partner knows you are in pain and you tell them not to stop, but you just wish it would end. For me it devolved into being terrified to show or respond to any affection, because I didn’t want to lead my husband on, make him think I was up for sex.
I have no doubt that this was a huge contributing factor in the demise of my marriage. It became such a figurative wound, with hurt feelings on both sides. Feelings of rejection, of coldness, of resentment and despair. Things we both experienced. I’ve read a lot on the clinical side of pelvic pain, but this was really like looking into a mirror of the emotional turmoil I experienced.