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And now I have totally ignored sound advice

So my post last night about my marriage problems. I was just getting into replies and enjoying the gifs when he finished studying for the night. I closed my laptop because I didn't want him to see the thread and realize it was about us. But he was like talking to me and engaging with me all of a sudden. It's like I panicked - I brought up our issues and said we needed to talk. He agreed, and started saying something about talking Friday. And I panicked again- I said we need to talk about it tomorrow night because I am at my braking point here. He responded with "because it is all about you, isn't it?" Which of course hurt my feelings and made me cry, and before we could say more shit that would be deliberately hurtful I said I'm sorry I brought it up and went to the living room to cry on the couch till he fell asleep. It felt like I am not allowed to express my needs. I know it felt to him like an attack. He left this morning for school before I got up. Ugh. I know I shouldn't have brought it up. But I may just tell him I am not talking to him about this without a Therapist present (I am actually supposed to ask him to come to a session with me anyway), because apparently we can't talk about this in a productive manner on our own. Why can't I keep my big mouth shut? Ugh. I'm tired of trying to read the tea leaves of his moods and actions to tell what he is feeling. I have no idea if he wants to listen to what I want to say. When he has talked on the past about this he seems to think I am the one who needs to do all of the changing. Ugh. I just can't deal with this. Please send hugs. And chocolate. And beer.


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