brief mention of eating disorder
My husband is going out of town late Saturday until Wednesday afternoon and I’m stressing out over it. If it were just me, I’d get a few bottles of wine, bubble bath, and be cool. But it will be me and my five year old, and no car. (We live in an area where we can walk to anywhere we need plus there are Ubers all over.) I’m so sick over it, even though it’s just me and my kid every weekday from 9am-6pm. I think knowing he’s not nearby and being completely alone for four days is the cause. I’m trying to calm myself so I don’t have a panic attack, and he’s not even leaving until tomorrow evening. The kid and I have a pretty good and regular daily routine, but I feel like it’s going to be hard to maintain because of my anxiety. I get anxious about leaving the house when he’s out of town ... But maybe he’ll leave and things will just fall into place and time will speed by. I have at least one activity planned (like, outside of our routine, and one activity with my step-sis) for each day (except Sunday, which I do have a plan but might not come to fruition). I sort of wish I had the foresight to ask my parents if we could stay with them. But I really thought I’d be fine, but then I’ve been getting slowly more worked up about it over the last two days, as he gets closer to leaving.
I’m sure I sound completely dependent on my husband and I’m really not.. I just get bad anxiety when he goes out of town. Also I stress about things happening to him while he’s gone. Every time I thought about it during the kid and my morning walk, I had to hold back tears and take deep breaths. My kid is excited about it! She thinks we’re going to stay up late every night and watch movies, lol (we’re not). But it’s actually just going to be fairly normal days, but without husband coming home at 6 and I’ll be struggling to control my depression/anxiety.
And another thing is, anxiety really does bad things for my eating disorder. I’m really worried that I won’t eat while he’s gone, or throwing up when I do eat. And obviously what I DON’T need to happen while he’s not here is like, passing out or doing something else stupid.
I’m also stressed about a midterm I have this afternoon, so if I’m not thinking about one thing, it’s the other. Hopefully some of the stress will melt away after I take it. But gahh, I can barely concentrate on studying/refreshing my memory because of this. [EDIT: I took the midterm and only missed one question! WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT!]
I thought I’d feel a little better after I wrote this and saw how silly it all is, but I don’t feel better at all, hah. I’m struggling not to go cry in the bathroom because I don’t want to freak my kid out and he’s not even leaving until tomorrow!