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Anyone out there?

Happy Saturday evening/Sunday morning to all! Can I just say... I love this place. Seriously. What a kind, caring, thoughtful group of folks. I check nearly every day but I don’t comment. Sometimes I just feel like my comments or whatever I was thinking isn’t relevant or necessary. Also, tired. So. Tired.

Being a public school teacher is so difficult, y’all. And I’m in Massachusetts, a state known for quality education and whatnot. The people in charge, man. They just keep telling us to do more, more, more. Analyze this, enter those scores, record that data, and also IMPROVE. And we’re never good enough. But I get 120 minutes of prep time a week IF I’m lucky and everyone’s on time. I teach my heart out and love the hell out of my kids. I can’t control if they have a working stove. Or warm clothes. Or a stable home environment. Or if they have to watch their younger siblings. I’m supposed to “make gains”. I’m happy I’ve got a child to open up, explain why they act the way they do, to tackle their issues and address coping mechanisms. They are “making gains”. But it’s so. So. So. So. So. So. Exhausting. Know what is TRULY exhausting? Playing politics with a bunch of out of touch white people, guys. The admins. There are way too many of them, first off. Second, heaven forbid I say the “wrong thing”. Such as, I wish I was allowed to put commends of report card and progress reports. Or bring my kids to the school library.

So why am I up at almost 2 in the morning? I dunno. Defiance? Heartburn?

I’m trying to get pregnant. Trying to tell myself I’m not stressed. But I am. Went off birth control late August. Def ovulated a week ago. Not sure about anything before that. So scared it won’t happen. I’ve always framed my life as “if I get pregnant”.... Secretly acknowledging it might not happen. I’d be much more ok with it than Mr Carbs, I think. I’m too afraid to get to into the what ifs with him... Afraid to say it out loud.


This post is brought to you by an exhausted, yet sleepless, carbs lover. I love carbs.

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