You guys, I feel like an ass. The support and advice from everyone about the divorce email from Mr.BT was overwhelming in the best way. I teared up a little at some comments when I hadn't even felt so strongly about my own situation. I have a little update and it makes me feel like a llama. I generally pride myself on not being an over-reactor, especially when it comes to my husband's particular breed of llama.
I sent off a short email before I went to bed last night, had one waiting for me in the morning, and we had an actual talk before he went to bed this morning. The gist of my email was "Yeah, we still need to have a talk, however this turns out, things aren't going to happen the way you seem to think they will." It could definitely be read in a snarky tone, I had a little wine. I left it short though, I wasn't in a good place to write more. His reply this morning opened with a bit of bitchiness, but went on to basically explain why he felt like things weren't working out, listing instances that support his points. Except they don't support the idea of our marriage not working out. They support the idea that he's depressed and in a shitty job.
When he talked to me, he said the first part of the email was reactionary and to disregard it, but that he didn't understand what I meant by things not going the way he thinks they will. I told him that me and the kids just packing up and moving back to AK clean and easy isn't something that's going to happen like that. We talked a little about his email, how he knew it wasn't fair of him to be upset about things but not say anything, that we should get that stuff out and have a chance to agree, disagree, propose a way to change it. Which all means he wasn't completely honest about not changing his mind and that whole first email was drama that he put on me and I in turn put on you and I'M SORRY.
That first email was very much an example of the tone he gets when we fight, but much more final than anything that has happened before. After following up with him, I'm now about 98.5% sure that this is just going to boil down into the same fight cycle we've experienced a couple times in the past 13 years and we'll get past it. He for sure can be an ass when he's depressed and lashing out, but I for sure push back because it's not okay to treat me like that. I'm sorry I dragged y'all into the fray, I promise that representation is not how our relationship is all the time and I know that I have a great support system IRL if I ever need to reach out. I am so grateful to know that I have such a great support system here as well, if there is a "next time" I will wait until things are more solid before I llama out.
All the hugs, my wonderful GTers, all the hugs to you.