Welcome To The Bitchery

Are Hot Pockets More American than Apple Pie?

GT, I just saw a commercial for Hot Pockets with the slogan at the end —


WTF Hot Pockets? I know for years you’ve pretended to be a “healthy” choice, but this is a new low.


Are you saying Totino’s Pizza Rolls are for filthy communists? Is Go-gurt for traitors and liberals who love yogurt more than the Founding Fathers?

Are Hot Pockets for Murrica only now? I was watching Investigation Discovery channel, maybe this commercial airs on Fox News and Cheeto Mussolini likes Hot Pockets?

Sorry, Jimmy, you had your Hot Pocket, no other freedoms for you today. Back to your room and sit there in the dark. No, Paul, you can’t have ice water, you can only have tepid water. That Hot Pocket was your only taste of freedom today.

If the closest little Jimmy and Paul get to freedom is heating up Hot Pockets, they are really going to struggle when they graduate high school. Just saying.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter