I was talking to my adventurous friend, and while most of the time she inspires me to be all go-getter-ey and stuff in life and in the bedroom (she was also my first girl kiss, which—even though I turned down her come-ons, sent me down the bisexual rabbit hole) this time it made me feel loser-ey. About the bedroom part. Plus I have this awesome new apartment that includes four walls (I had three before) and an awesome new queen-sized bed that does not squeak at all and no one will even come visit even as a friend.

So I was walking home from work tonight, and my job is right by all these toy shops so I stop in. I figured I'd just take a look around and maybe get a replacement for the rabbit I lost during this recent move. But I was feeling sorry for myself, and the salesgirls were so good, so I walked out with a $120 vibrator. My old one was 60-ok, 90, but male shop-owners tend to give discounts if you're a girl by yourself (creepy, but whatevs I'll work the system at times). This is probably one of the most expensive things I own, you guys. More expensive than maybe even my phone. And now I am alone and lonesome in my fancy new apartment with cookies n' cream icecream and some cheap merlot and made-from-scratch quiche, and I'm tipsy and I'm sad but I'm going to have so much fun tonight you have no idea.

I know I complain about this a lot, but thank you all for listening to my sad little rants. Despite having an awesome close immediate family and some really great friends I've felt lonely almost all my life, and feeling all by myself in this big city exacerbates it. I fought with my closest friends here. I can't talk to my other best friend because I am in love with him. My other other best friends are far away in Illinois and India. I'm drunker than I thought. My head hurts from crying. Time for more icecream and happy movies. Good night, groupthink.