Today is, THANK GOD, the last day that the Grandma from Hell is visiting the family I nanny for. I swear, if she had stayed any longer I don’t know what I would have done, but I expect it would get me fired from my job and possibly locked up for life. As it turns out, I like to have control and I really resent being micromanaged or second guessed. I listen carefully to what my employer asks of me and do my best to carry it out, and if she has a concern of course I respect that—but this grandma can fuck right off.

Here are some of the highlights of her visit:

  • She called the cornbread I made “Yankee cornbread.” We are both from the South, so regardless of the relative merits of various regional cornbread types, this was clearly an intentional insult. My own bitchy Southern grandma says this kind of thing all the time: “oh, these aren’t like Southern string beans!” By which she means they are disgusting to her and she hates them.
  • She said to the two year old, “You know, your older brother never broke any toys when he was your age.” Just because she found a broken toy in the toy box—there was no evidence that the two year old even broke it! Toys get broken, that’s life.
  • As I have described before, she’s been bitchy to me about the laundry. Another obnoxious thing where laundry is concerned is that she cannot carry a heavy basket down the stairs—she drags it down and it makes a loud thump with each step. And yet she insists on doing this herself, even though she has woken the toddler up right after I had JUST gotten him asleep by doing this. I had to go get him settled again even though I had meal prep to do right then.
  • The other day I was preparing a pot roast recipe, as requested by the mother I work for. It involved four hours of cooktime at 300 degrees F, but the grandma turned the oven off partway through and just left the dish in there while I was getting the older boy from school, even though I explained the recipe to her and asked her to just leave it. It turned out fine but why the hell did she have to interfere?!
  • Today I was playing blocks with the toddler, and she made some nasty remark about them being from China, and then mentioned some other (read: better) toy that she had bought the boys at some point. But here is the thing: I BOUGHT THOSE BLOCKS for the toddler’s last birthday, and she was right there when I gave them to him.

That last one was really the last straw for me. If she wasn’t leaving today I would tell the parents I can’t work with her and she either needs to leave me the fuck alone while she is here, or I am taking the rest of her visit as unpaid time off. Fortunately she is leaving, but I am still really hurt by this. Ugh, and that idiot left the laundry end-of-cycle noise on even though the toddler is napping! It just made the LOUDEST sound.

I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER

I did get one consolation though—she was randomly going on (again) about how she doesn’t believe an asteroid killed the dinosaurs. Not because she had an alternate theory and evidence to support it (which there may be, I admit I am not an expert!), but because she doesn’t understand how ONE asteroid could impact the whole world. She just dismissed the idea because she doesn’t get it! So I very nicely explained the mechanism to her, in a VERY sweet and NOT AT ALL condescending way.

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I am soooo tempted to put the knives back where they used to be before she rearranged them right now. I took a clean hand towel out of the drawer in the kitchen, for drying your hands after washing them, and the next time I turned around it was gone. Why does she obsessively wash already clean towels???