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At a loss

Hey all, I have a personal problem that I thought some of you might find familiar, and wanted to see how smart ladies deal with this kind of thing.

I have the best boyfriend in the world. Not only is he handsome, smart, and kind, he's extremely good to me. He listens to and remembers what I say. He has moved forward with me over the past 9 months, introducing me to all of his friends, mentioning me to his boss, taking me twice to his parents' house out of state, and making extensive and detailed plans for our future together. We are that really annoying couple who look googly-eyed over dinner and sit at the same side of the booth at brunch so we can do the crossword together. It's been 9 months and we plan to shack up in February, which we intend as a first step toward marriage and children.

Yet for the past few weeks I have battled horrible anxiety. It started, I think, when we began discussing moving in, right after I met his parents and they clearly approved. I am constantly afraid he is going to break up with me and I have every reason to believe that's never going to happen. While he's being sweet and normal I keep suspecting the other shoe will drop any minute and he'll reveal that he's never loved me and it's all been for naught. I can't live like this much longer. My fears have no basis in reality. I do love him. He has been beyond patient and reassures me all the time that he doesn't intend to go anywhere.


I can't ruin this relationship. I've been dating for 10 years now (we're ~30). I know this is The One. At first blush I think this is because of past relationship failures, or my father's sudden death (although that was long time ago), but if I'm so aware of those roots it seems like I should be able to overcome it.

Jezzies, I can't ruin this relationship. I would regret it for the rest of my life and I would never find anyone like this again. I want to go back to therapy, but my current job (I'm essentially an on-call lawyer) doesn't allow for it and I don't make much money. Help?

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